The Koolaid House

I heard Clara come home from school the other day and I could hear she had friends with her. I went downstairs to greet them and there were no less than six fourteen-year-old girls sitting on my couch and at the bar enjoying afternoon snacks and chatting with each other. They could see my surprise at the sheer number of hungry teenagers congregated in my living room and they all started giggling. I inquired about their day and asked their plans for the afternoon before leaving them to their snacks.

No, she didn’t ask if she could have friends over after school, or if they could all eat the food in the pantry. It is a very common occurrence for them to just be there, usually eating, and always just hanging out. The crazy part is, I don’t mind at all. It is actually a bright spot in my world and I look forward to having them all there. They bring such positive energy into the house and I have never had behavior problems with any of them. They know the rules and they know if they want to hang out they have to abide by them. It’s a safe place and the pantry is always stocked and available to be raided.

When I dreamed of a day when I would have teenagers, I always wanted to be the koolaid house, the place where the kids go to hang out. I wanted my kids to feel comfortable bringing their friends home and spending time there, just hanging out being teenagers. I often hear the thump of their music, their giggling voices, and have even walked into a family room completely transformed into a giant tent constructed by teenagers. They feel comfortable here, and I hope they always do.

There were many years that we couldn’t have the kids’ friends in the house. We did not have people over for dinner, or hang out with friends. Sleepovers and after school hangouts were not part of our world. This was another dream stolen by depression and anxiety, not mine, but my spouse’s. It was difficult to see while I was in the middle of it. I passed it off as an introverted personality that didn’t enjoy the company of other humans, and have often wondered how I didn’t know it was more than that.

When the girls came home a few months after their dad died, they didn’t invite people over. I sat them down and told them I wanted them to have friends over, I wanted them to have parties, I wanted them to feel comfortable socializing in our home. It took a while, but eventually, the friends started to trickle in and by summer, the days without friends in the house were the exception. I love it.

I always know where they are and what they are doing, and that they are safe. My house is not a party house, I expect them to be respectful and follow our rules, which also makes the Koolaid house a good litmus test for who their ‘good’ friends are. They don’t bring people home who aren’t going to follow the rules and who they know I wouldn’t approve of and they shouldn’t be hanging out with. If they want to go somewhere with someone, the rule is they have to come to the house first. It has been the best way to weed out the ones they shouldn’t be spending time with outside of the house…I call that a parenting win. It’s also a great way to get to know the moms. They want to know who their kids are spending time with, and my door is always open to them. I have met some great moms who inspire me and have become my friends. They see their kids are safe and happy, and that my home is a good place for the kids to be.

I hope my kids will always feel comfortable bringing their friends home. I will happily pay for the extra food, and accept the fact that the good TV will never be mine. It’s a small price to pay for the honor of being the Koolaid house.