Cars. This is not my favorite subject, but unfortunately, it has become way too big a part of my life lately and it got me to thinking about some things in the process.
Since my Honda Pilot was totaled in March, I have had to rely on the car I bought a couple of years ago as a commuter car for my only transportation. This little car is a very cute Volkswagen GTI. It’s not only cute, but it also’s fast, super fun to drive, and let’s be real, I love that I can literally park it anywhere, which is a huge bonus in a big city. But holy crap! I miss my SUV. It was safe and always reliable. I never worried about driving on bad roads, it was always steady. I never had to worry about it breaking down on the road. Long road trips were a dream…like cruising down the winding highway in a tv commercial. Not exaggerating!
I went to visit my sister a couple of weeks ago and discovered the GTI had no oil left and it started overheating because the coolant was low yet again. I was terrified the whole way home that I was going to be stuck in the middle of nowhere in the freezing cold without a car or a way home. I had to stop every hour to check fluids and add as needed. So STRESSFUL! I think I aged five years on the drive. We made it home safely, but I realized it was time to reevaluate my relationship with the GTI.
As fun and cute as this car is…it is just no longer meeting my needs. I had to buy studded snow tires just to keep from sliding off the road going ten miles an hour in the snow, which was HUGELY expensive. It has an oil leak. There is something funky happening with the radiator. It’s so small that it can’t really accommodate a long road trip. It only has two doors so it’s not very practical for getting all the teenagers in and out of the back seat. And, it requires the most expensive gas! Now that it has over 110,000 miles, the problems are just starting to stack up. After the last road trip and realizing that this little car is no longer reliable, I know I need to move on and find something more suitable.
I loved this car so much for so long and I know I am going to miss it…but clearly we have grown apart and are headed in different directions.
All of this got me thinking about the friendships we have. Most of us have friends in our lives that are really fun to hang out with, some that grow into close forever friends, and some that are good for a time but then we grow out of them and they don’t meet our needs anymore so it’s just time to move on. And that makes life hard.
When we really enjoy someone, but it becomes readily apparent that it’s time to part ways, it hurts…and we will miss them. No matter how good of a path we are on or how strong the friendships are that we have now, we still miss the good things and the memories we had with that person.
The alternative is to continue down a path and a friendship that may be unhealthy, or even toxic. These types of relationships keep us from reaching our potential, so we have to decide. Do you keep the friendship and stop moving down the path you want to be on with people who support you and help you live the most beautiful version of your life, or do you let the friendship go and cherish the memories, knowing that the time you spent with that person was good while you had it, knowing it was only for a season?
I have had many friends come and go. The four who have remained close are literally the BEST friends anyone could ever ask for. They have seen me through drama most people cannot imagine. They have seen me at the very worst version of myself and loved me through it. They have cried with me, laughed with me, mourned with me, cheered for me, scolded me, encouraged me, and celebrated with me. They have been far better friends to me than I have to them. I am SO blessed to have them, but I certainly don’t deserve them.
My friends that didn’t stay close were some of the best people I have ever known and for whatever reason, mostly geography, we just grew apart. Being a military spouse for 19 years, people and places were never a permanent fixture in my life. I had to start over every time we moved, and that meant making new friends every time (which is way more difficult every time).
When I think about moving closer to someone who I miss and love so much, I realize that means moving further away from someone else. The reality is that I have friends and family all over, which makes me very lucky. No matter where I travel to, I have someone to visit and catch up with! Pretty cool. But it is also hard because I want to share my life with my friends, and as much as we try to stay in touch, it’s just not the same as when we lived close to each other. It doesn’t lessen the love, it only lessens the time spent together and the memories we can make together.
Other friends…well…they just weren’t meant to be forever. I can look back on most of these friendships and really cherish the memories we shared knowing that they were there for a reason and a season, but in the end, it was just time for us to go our separate ways, no matter how hurtful it was at the time. I learned things from these failed friendships, and hope that I have become a better person and friend because of them.
It’s a painful and difficult part of life. People will come and go. We just have to keep trying to find our tribe, hang on to those who matter the most, and learn from the relationships that don’t last.
So…I’m breaking up with my GTI today and I am starting a new relationship with a very good-looking Land Rover Discovery. I will miss my little car, but it’s time to get a grown-up car that better fits my life and my needs.
As for those who I call friends today, near or far, I feel like I have found my tribe. You are all time-tested and true, and I am so grateful for each of you. Hugs.