In 2017 I woke up one morning after a tough night that came after a challenging few years, with a clarity I hadn’t had in years.
I had a child who had some significant struggles that made parenting an extreme challenge. I had unknowingly added to it with my lack of understanding…that all came to a head-on Mother’s Day and ended in my emotional undoing that left me feeling completely broken, angry, and sobbing myself to sleep.
I hadn’t ever considered what personal development was or meant. I had spent the bulk of the last eighteen years just trying to survive…which had left little time for anything else.
So when I woke up that morning, I was calm, had clarity, and started on a journey that changed every aspect of my life. I saw myself in a new light, and it wasn’t flattering in any way. I didn’t recognize the person I had become.
The person staring back at me from the mirror was a shell that existed solely for the roles she played in other people’s lives. She had no favorite movies, music, foods, or colors. She had no favorite activities. She wasn’t passionate or driven. She had no direction. She was a survivor for sure…she had guided her family through many challenges and difficult times, but she didn’t even recognize her own strength because she was so detached from identity. She just looked broken.
I pitied the person I saw staring back at me from the mirror. She wasn’t me.
I pitied the person I saw staring back at me in the mirror. She wasn’t me.
This was not a magical moment of awakening that fixed all of my problems.
In fact, things got exponentially worse for me in the months following that day.
The journey was difficult and painful…I spent a lot of time lost, scrambling, making mistakes and missteps, and wandering without direction.
But none of this dissuaded me from my journey to find my path because the clarity and awakening I had on that day after Mother’s Day had profoundly changed me to my core. I was determined to pick up my dreams and define my life in a way that supported the person I wanted to be…to have the life I dreamed of.
I was driven and motivated to find the passionate, creative, determined person I once was. The girl who woke up excited about life and looking for adventure, learning, and new experiences every day.
I had a hard time finding her underneath the years of neglect, the grief of losing my spouse, the daily challenges of learning how to parent grieving teenagers, and my newfound role as the sole supporter of my family.
But I continued to dig.
I started small. At first, I just wanted to know what I liked.
I watched all kinds of movies, tried new foods, and even started wearing new colors and styles of clothes…and I found out that I really love wearing black, so I wear it a lot! It’s slimming, it photographs well, it goes with everything, and it looks classy. I even love black nails…it’s a little edgy, pretty cool…and just makes me feel good.
I discovered that I really don’t have one favorite color, song, or movie.
But more importantly, I discovered why!
There are so many things to love in this big eclectic world, how could I possibly decide on one?!? So instead of having one favorite, I have lists of favorites, colors that I am going through a phase with, and foods I obsess over until I get sick of them and try something new.
Once I figured out the little things, I started digging deeper and working to figure out what I wanted from my life…
Once I figured out the little things, I started digging deeper and working to figure out what I wanted from my life, what was important to me, and considering what direction I should take.
Over time, I began to feel confident in myself again. The more I got back in touch with my true self, the more I realized I was excited to wake up each day. I was hopeful about my future, I had more energy, and I realized that I loved my life…every aspect of my life. I loved all of the good and fun parts, but I no longer felt that I faced overwhelming challenges.
I started writing again at the suggestion of my therapist. She felt it would be a good way to work through the really big, overwhelming, and difficult emotions I was carrying around.
It was exactly what I needed. Over time, I began to see a bigger picture, and in that big picture full of opportunities and possibilities, I found my passion.
I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I am a podcaster…which is still so crazy to think about. I am an entrepreneur. I am a driven and determined woman with big plans and crazy dreams. I am building something bigger than myself, one piece at a time.
That is work I am happy to do, and that I feel passionate about.
I want to help other women live their best lives, inspire them to chase their dreams, teach them how to develop the foundations that will support them through the hard times, and watch them assert their independence and succeed, no matter what life throws at them.
Not everyone who struggles has had the advantages that I have had. They don’t have the amazing parents I have, the supportive friends, the natural drive for independence, or the background that I have that made me the person I am today.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t have the life they want or that they can’t achieve their dreams. They can!
So each week, I sit down in front of a keyboard and a microphone, and I share what I know…driven by the belief that there is someone out there who really needs to hear what I have to say.
That beautiful but beaten-down woman who woke up this morning realizing she has taken a few wrong turns in life. She is unhappy with the person she sees staring back at her from the mirror…seeing for the first time that she needs to make some big changes in her life and start a journey with an unknown destination…and is feeling terrified and discouraged.
That’s why I do what I do.
Because I believe everyone can find something they love and feel passionately about that makes them excited to wake up each day, keeps them motivated, and makes their lives feel full of abundance.
So if you are struggling, I have a message for you.
It is never too late to make changes and take a new path.
It is never too late to make changes and take a new path.
It is never too late to go back to school and finish your degree. It’s never too late to pick up that dream you carried for so long but dropped somewhere along the way as your life became more about taking care of other people than taking care of yourself. It is never too late to create hard and fast boundaries in your life to create the space you need to work on writing that book, building that business, or developing that talent that brings joy to your life.
It is never too late.
So if you are like me and you have big dreams for your life, here are some things for you to consider:
What dreams did you once have?
Chances are, you will still find joy in whatever it was that you used to find joy in!
You may find that it is no longer your life dream…but somewhere within those things that once brought you joy, there may be little nuggets of insight that will lead you to what you want to pursue…and your new dream for your life.
Try new things
The best way to find what you are good at and what you really enjoy is by trying all kinds of new things.
Wear new kinds of clothes, try new activities and foods, watch different kinds of movies, take classes on things you are interested in. There are a million ways to try new things!
I NEVER considered anything math-related in school. I hated math and believed I was terrible at it.
But I needed an elective…and the only thing available was an accounting class. So I signed up.
I discovered that not only was I REALLY good at it, but I also loved it!
That one class led me to change my major and to a degree in accounting…and then a degree in finance. I never would have discovered this hidden talent if I wasn’t willing to try something new…something I already had preconceived notions about and thought I would be terrible at doing.
This one thing, a willingness to try something new and different, has made me into a person that tries things that I think I will be terrible at just to see what it’s really like!
Never be afraid to try something new…it might end up being something you love and are passionate about.
Go on adventures
Adventure-seeking builds a rich, full life. It also helps you find the things you love in this big, crazy world. It helps you find your strengths and know your weaknesses.
Making plans to take new adventures a few times a year is a great way to get to know yourself better and find new things that you love to do and helps you grow into a more well-rounded person.
Start “Homework for Life”
This is a journaling strategy from the author of Storyworthy, Matthew Dicks, that focuses on writing down one important thing from every day.
This doesn’t have to be a life-changing moment, just the most memorable moments from each day. By starting this practice you will be capturing the life-changing moments in your life, even if you don’t recognize them at the time they happened.
This gives you something to reflect on, a way to track your progress, a way to collect stories, and a method of holding on to memories. Looking back on memories from each day helps you understand yourself better, and see the changes you are making as reflected in the things you felt were important and your thoughts about them as they were happening.
Try it! You will be amazed at how much insight these little one-line memories hold and how helpful this process can be in your journey.
Create boundaries
Boundaries create the space you need to pursue the things that are important to you and it is one of the Foundations for Success that are fundamental to long-term stability in your life.
Creating boundaries can make the people in your life uncomfortable…so this one thing requires you to proceed despite fear.
Fear keeps you trapped, and imprisoned by the boxes you have created for yourself. Redrawing the boundaries to accommodate your dreams isn’t easy, and for a time it can feel like your life just gets more complicated.
But this one thing can be life-changing and lead to the growth and the space that you desperately need to find yourself and have the life you want!
And lastly,
Never give up and never stop trying!
Finding your passion in life brings you happiness and joy…don’t give that up for anyone or anything!
Finding your passion in life gives you purpose and makes you get excited about your life!
There is an intrinsic value in knowing what you were put on this earth to do- it leads to happiness and peace.
What will you do first to start on your own journey to finding your passion and living a purpose-driven life?
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