Unhappiness in our lives can be rooted in many different things. You may feel powerless against it and just accept that you are an unhappy person.

But that simply isn’t true!

You have the power to control your own happiness, but you have to stop doing some key things in order to have a happier life.

Stop Focusing On What You Don’t Have

There are always going to be things you want or upgrades to things you want.

There is nothing wrong with wanting nicer things or a bigger house! Sometimes those desires can be motivating to help you work to move forward.

But I’m going to tell you a secret. It’s not really the THINGS that you want…it’s how the things will make you feel and what they represent that you want!

A bigger house might create more peace in your home if everyone has more space, which can make you feel calmer. Or it might simply be how that big house makes you look to others and the feeling of elevated status that you’re after.

A nicer car can bring the peace of not worrying about your car constantly breaking down. Or you might just like how it feels to drive down the road in a really beautiful car.

It could be that the things you want will make your life more convenient and relieve stress, or make things easier so you don’t have to spend as much time on certain tasks.

And all of that is perfectly fine!

But when you start focusing more on what you don’t have than what you do have, you start to forget how far you have come and all of the good things around you.

Focusing on not having that shiny new car may make you forget how hard you worked for the car you have and the sense of accomplishment you experienced when you finally saved up enough money to buy it.

You may also forget how many people in the world have never had the privilege of owning a car, or that there are people who would feel blessed to have that tiny apartment that you don’t think is good enough.

Changing your focus to all the good things you already have in your life, knowing that one day you will work your way to the upgrades you desire, helps keep you focused and in a state of gratitude which feels good!

Spending your energy focusing on all that you have and how far you have come puts you in a positive state, and when you feel more positive, you feel happier!

Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People

There are few things in this world that will make you feel worse than comparing yourself to someone else.

There is no way to really understand what someone else’s existence on this planet is truly like, or what struggles they face.

If you are making comparisons based on their social media posts, you are making comparisons based on a lie.

Everyone posts their best moments on social media, and often we compare our worst moments to everyone else’s best moments.

You also don’t know what that person went through to get where they are today. You don’t know the sacrifices they made, the trials they had to go through, and all of the failures they suffered before they found success. It’s really easy to look at someone else’s success and think they are lucky, or that it was easy for them.

The truth is…it wasn’t

That lady with the magazine house and fashionable clothes might have suffered tragic losses in her life. That person with the flashy lifestyle you would give anything for may have never known true friendship.

You don’t know the struggles they face…not really

Look at Robin Williams…or Marilyn Monroe. They had fame, they were adored by the world, they had money and a life of ease. They had it all. And yet, both of them took their own lives. That may seem like an extreme example, but it bears the point.

You DO NOT know the internal struggles another person faces. Not ever.

So stop comparing yourself to them!

Put your eyes back on your own paper and focus on your own work.

If you are really struggling with this:

• Get off social media and turn off the TV. When you are no longer bombarding yourself with images of other people and their best moments, and start focusing on the work you need to do in your own life, you will finally free yourself of the wasted time of comparison.
• Remind yourself that everyone has struggles you don’t know about…
• Take stock in your own life, how far you have come in your journey, and if there are things you want to change, get to work changing them!

Sitting around looking at everyone else’s life and comparing it to your own is the path to misery. Choose the path to happiness by making a change today!

Stop Putting Everyone Else’s Needs Ahead Of Your Own

A lot of women make the mistake of putting the needs of everyone in their life ahead of their own.

They find joy in the successes of their children and their spouse. And they often spend all their time caring for others so, by the end of the day they are too exhausted to even consider their own needs.

They also put their dreams aside to focus on being a mother and a wife. Before they even realize what has happened, they have forgotten their dreams and lost themselves in the roles they play in other people’s lives.

It’s a common tale.

But that doesn’t mean you have to continue down that path once you recognize what has happened!

It’s necessary to care for yourself. You can’t possibly show up as your best self for all those other people that rely on you if you aren’t making yourself a priority.

Find something you can do each day to take care of YOU! Make it a habit and grow into it until it is natural to make caring for yourself part of every day.

Taking care of your own needs and making yourself a priority helps you have more energy to show up for other people, improves relationships, and creates balance.

All of that feels good and leads to a greater sense of happiness.

Stop Waiting To Pursue Your Dreams

If you have a dream for your life, do not wait!

You may not be able to jump headfirst into starting a business or pursuing other big goals, but you can make small steps forward now.

Work on what you can to achieve the small milestone. Work on creating the foundation that will allow you to go all-in when the time is right.

Then, when you get to a place where you have more availability, you will be ready to take the leap!

If it is fear holding you back, you are wasting precious time. By allowing your fear to control you, you are giving away your happiness which leads to a life of regret.

Take control, put yourself out there, do the things you are afraid to do, and get started now to create the life you dream of. Fulfilled dreams and reaching your potential give you a sense of peace and accomplishment. These are the foundation for happiness.

Stop With The Negativity

Stop being negative and stop allowing negative people and influences in your life. This can be friends and loved ones that bring you down, but this can also be social media, the news, television shows, certain kinds of music.

If it makes you feel negative, banish it from your life.

Get off of social media if you need to, shut off the television, and create distance from negative friends. Whatever the source, remove the negativity

If you find YOURSELF saying and doing negative things, it’s time to flip your focus from negative to positive!

• Start your day by listing 5-10 great things in your life. You may even need to repeat this in the middle of the day. You can set an alarm on your phone to remind you at the same time every day. Then just take a minute and focus in on the good things in your world.
• Put up some post-it note reminders.
• Get a friend or a family member to help you by asking them to point out when you are being negative to give you the opportunity to change the conversation to a more positive outlook
• Every time you catch yourself saying or thinking something negative, you can make a rule for yourself that you have to say five positive things. This breaks the habit of saying and thinking negative thoughts by training your mind to automatically replace those thoughts with something more positive.

Negative self-talk and thoughts are some of the biggest contributors to unhappiness. Thinking positively doesn’t change your situation, it changes your mindset!

I have had plenty of reasons to be unhappy in my life. I could have easily focused on all the negativity, the sadness, the terrible events outside of my control. I could have allowed myself to fall down the rabbit hole of sadness and despair and decided to give up.

The truth is that everyone has things in their life that can make them unhappy if you allow them to.

But you get to choose whether or not you allow your circumstances to control you or instead, you can take control of your thoughts, focus on the positive things in your life, and enter into a state of happiness despite the challenges you face.

It is up to you to decide!

Get started today, and let me know which one was most helpful to you.