One of my favorite topics is the importance of creating boundaries for yourself and others.
Sound boring? It’s not!
I lived a life without boundaries for years. Whatever my children and spouse wanted and needed was my priority. I gave no thought to what I wanted and needed, and I never considered the importance of caring for myself.
The Cost of Not Having Boundaries
The price of throwing my self-care to the wind was my mental health.
The reality of what I had done by investing all my time and energy into caring for everyone else came crashing down. I was on the brink of a crisis. The only gift of this experience was clarity. I realized I was more than my role in other people’s lives.
I had invested so profoundly in my children and spouse that their successes and failures became my successes and failures. When they made choices that led to failure, it was devastating to me because even though I wasn’t the person making the choices and had no control over what they were doing, emotionally, I carried the weight of the consequences. Unknowingly, my lack of boundaries had made me into a doormat and an enabler.
Once I realized what I had done and how dangerously close I had come to being hospitalized, I corrected course and made some tough decisions and changes to my life and how I interacted with the world.
These changes required me to create boundaries for self-care.
Course Correction
I finally recognized how essential self-care was for me to be able to show up in meaningful ways for the people I love. If I wasn’t caring for myself, how could I possibly have the energy and presence of mind to care for my family.
I went on a journey to discover what I love and the things I enjoy. I had lost touch with myself so much that I had no idea what I liked anymore. I started small by figuring out what colors I like, what music I enjoy, and what shows I like to watch? Then, I tried new activities and hobbies. I ate all different kinds of food and watched a lot of terrible television. I even discovered that sitting in a bubble bath isn’t my thing, and I would rather be doing something.
I set aside time for myself every day. Sometimes I just locked my bedroom door and told my children not to talk to me for one hour while I read a book, wrote in my journal, or worked on a project. Other times, I invited them to come with me to do something I wanted. I took up solo hiking, wandered around the woods all by myself, and enjoyed the solace of nature.
And yes, I used crochet as time for myself. But rather than focusing on making things for other people, I made things I wanted to make, created new designs, and used it as a time to check out from the outside world and let the creative juices flow through my brain.
Boundaries Are Essential
Over time, making time for myself became more natural, and my mental health improved. Today, I have no problem setting and keeping healthy boundaries with the people in my life. As a result, my children have a better mother, I am a better friend, and I can be present and enjoy my time with my friends and family because I am not stressed out and hanging by an emotional thread.
I often hear people say they don’t have support from friends and family to crochet. Sometimes their children and spouse even make fun of them or tell them the things they make are ugly.
To those people, I would say this:
Stop looking for approval and asking permission from other people to care for yourself.
You don’t need permission from anyone else. You’re a grown person with the right to do things you love and pursue things that make you happy.
Caring for yourself is as essential as breathing.
It’s not easy. It can be challenging, but it is essential.
Getting Started
If you are reading this and you know that all of this applies to you but you have no idea where to start, here is a short list of things you can do:
- Set a timer for 10 minutes and make a list of things you want in your life. Do you want to be healthy and fit? Is there a hobby or career you want to pursue? Would you like to feel calm and have positive relationships with your family and friends? Do you want to live in a different house or drive a better car? How do you want to feel and interact with the world? Where do you want to work? These are all questions you can ask yourself to come up with a list of things you want in your life.
- Take that list and mark the ones that are the most important.
- Set the time for another 10 minutes and write down what needs to happen to make those things happen. This list can include:
- A workout routine to get fit
- Setting time aside for you to listen to uplifting music or podcasts
- Marking time on your calendar each week to crochet
- Saving money for a future purchase
- Finishing a college degree that will allow you to change jobs
- Setting aside time each week to spend with your spouse doing something fun.
- Pick one thing on the list to start this week.
- Have a conversation with your spouse/family and let them know that you are making some changes, and there will be time each week that you will be unavailable to do things with/for them. Ask for their support, but be willing to proceed on your own.
- Take action.
If you need more strategies, you can check out this article about the importance of boundaries and how to create them.
Moving Forward
So, you will face resistance, especially if you have been living a life without boundaries. Your lack of boundaries has likely made everyone around you very comfortable. So, naturally, your boundaries will make them uncomfortable.
But, keep going, and don’t give up!
Because you deserve a life of happiness, whatever that looks like for you. Creating boundaries and pursuing the things that matter to you will naturally lead to the life you want.
Seeing women’s lives change for the better as they create boundaries and pursue a life they want is exciting! We all have responsibilities we have to fulfill, but making time for yourself among those responsibilities is life-changing.
So, if crocheting, knitting, or sewing, are something you love, create some boundaries and make them a priority in your life. Then, as you grow and progress in the art of self-care, your mental health will improve, and so will your life.
DM me on Instagram anytime. I would love to get to know you!
Happy Stitching!
xo — Lavena
